Dear Campus Advisor:

My dorm roommate comes from an environment much different than mine. She is street smart and gutsy. I have learned a lot just watching how she takes control of certain situations. I tend to follow the rules, while she breaks them. We are not allowed to have guys in our room after midnight. She lets her guy stay over whenever he wants to. Lately she’s been taking dishes and things from the cafeteria so she can cook in our room; this is also against the rules. Last week I noticed a leather jacket and purse on her bed that I am sure aren’t hers. I like my roomie. I feel I can learn a lot from her, but I’m really afraid of getting into trouble. What should I do?

Sincerely,
Roommate
Xenia,OH

Dear Roommate:

Sounds as if you and your "roomy" need to sit down and have a long, hard talk. You need to tell her that you value your relationship and want to negotiate a set of room rules to which you and she can both agree; otherwise you will turn the matter over to the residence hall administration. Be very firm about not wanting to be held accountable for any of the dorm infractions that your "roomy" is participating in. Let her know that if stolen items are found in your room, you both will be held accountable, unless you can prove that you had nothing to do with these thefts. You need to discuss your rights to living in an environment free of contraband and illegal activity, your right to privacy, and the need for a fair and sanctioned visitation policy. Judging from your description of your roommate, you may find this difficult to pull off by yourself. If so, turn to your resident counselor or resident advisor. They are there to help arbitrate roommate conflicts and can remove someone from the room who is violating university rules. You certainly are learning from your roommate. The question is, at what cost to you? Now you must learn a valuable lesson in asserting yourself. Whichever way you decide to approach the problem, do it right away. The situation could get far worse, and your college education could be at risk.

Dear Campus Advisor:

I am a sophomore business education major at an accredited university. For the past two and a half years I have been missing classes and have flunked out of the institution. However, the university pointed out that I might be able to attend after a year’s suspension. How can I get back on the right track? Would it be sensible to continue at my original institution or transfer to another? I find myself in this predicament because of a personal, life-threatening situation.

In a Predicament

Dear In a Predicament:

Since you do not clarify the nature of this life-threatening situation, and whether it has been resolved, it’s difficult to appropriately advise you. A life-threatening circumstance is a very serious matter and could derail the college plans of even the most committed student. For your safety and to make an informed decision about returning to school next year, you must first focus on this life-threatening matter and resolve it. You will need to analyze your situation objectively. Critical questions that you must answer are: Are you still in a life-threatening situation? Were you in a life-threatening situation for the entire two and a half years while in school? Did you inform parents, police, and counselors of this threat? Did you seek relief from this circumstance? Is this situation likely to repeat itself if you switch to a new school to complete your education? What got you into such a predicament?

Answers to these questions will help you to decide what path to take regarding returning to college. Obviously, if you don’t change the circumstances that caused you to be in a life-threatening situation, then discussions about which college you should attend may be totally insignificant.

On the basis of your poor academic performance, you need to critically assess whether going to college is a real priority for you and why. You need to decide what factors will enhance your chances of success in college the next time around. You need to determine your level of commitment and your readiness to tackle a rigorous academic program. If you do decide to re-invest in your college education, you must locate and use student support services created to aid academically at-risk students. Those services will get you on the right track.

For the time being, seriously review the above questions and find someone to confide in regarding your overall situation. Use the time of suspension to remove yourself from threatening circumstances and associate yourself with people and activities that support your college and life goals. Get your life back in order. In so doing, you will know exactly where to go to stay on track and possibly to save your life. If the life-threatening situation still exists, please get help from family, friends, counselors or police right away.

Dear Campus Advisor:

I am so excited. I just got offered a wonderful paid-internship in Human Resources at a large and progressive organization, thanks to a referral from my Career Center Advisor, who has been regularly informing me of internship opportunities and helping me to practice for my interview. I have heard that these internships are hard to find. I would like to do something to really show my Advisor how much I appreciate his extra help. I do not have much money now, but when I get my first paycheck, I want to do something. What do you suggest?

A Grateful Junior at Cleveland State

Dear Grateful:

It is a pleasure to hear from a student who has built an effective relationship with a Career Center Advisor -- that got results and who is conscientious enough to want to find the right way to say thank you! I believe the best thanks you can give is a simple note of thanks from you, followed by exemplary performance in your internship. Nothing else is expected or required. Your Advisor is doing what dedicated Career Center Advisors do day in and out. Your thanks and excellence on the job will not only encourage your Advisors continued professional commitment, but pave the way for other deserving student like you to be offered similar opportunities at this organization, when you leave. Congratulations to you on landing a plum internship and to the Career Center Advisor at Cleveland State who got it right!

Linda Bates Parker is the director of the Career Development Center at the University of Cincinnati.