Dear Campus Advisor:

I came to college to be a doctor, but I have failed. I tried for the entire year, but the tough coursework got me down and I am no longer interested in a career in medicine. Because being a doctor was what I always thought I would be, my whole self-image was based on it. To make matters worse, my parents have always told everyone that their son was going to be a doctor. I feel like a failure. I’m confused and ashamed. How can I restore my self-esteem and discover what I am supposed to be in life? Do you think I need to see a counselor? I have already decided to transfer to another college, but I’m not sure where. Please give me your best advice.

The Prodigal Son

Dear Prodigal Son:

The problem that you're confronted with is one that many people fail to face head on. You have discovered that you are unable to continue to build your life around someone else’s dream. It is not unusual for young people to sometimes base their self-esteem on external factors such as a title, position or money rather than internal factors such as honesty, loyalty and intelligence. This usually results in decisions that are more superficial and less personally satisfying. You have discovered that the reality of pursuing your dreams is hard work and sometimes you have to accept that the dream was simply not the best one for your.

If you have truly given it your best, then you should not feel ashamed because something you and your family wanted for you simply is not for you. Since you have lost interest and have already decided to transfer, but are unclear where you are going, I think you already know the answer to whether you need to see a counselor, of course you do! You need to spend time reflecting on your strengths, weaknesses, what interests you, what excites you, what you seem to have a natural ability to do. A counselor can help you to better understand how you became so infatuated with the “notion” of being a doctor, without understanding that hard work involved with medical study. You need to spend time thinking about how to shape a strong self-image based not just on what you hope to be, but also what you are right now.  A counselor can assist you in looking at failure as merely a temporary setback and the inevitability of change.

You will also benefit from spending time with a counselor exploring your values and how they are the foundation of self-esteem building. Overcoming certain barriers or setbacks is very helpful in building your character and enhancing your self-worth. While the field of medicine is a worthy profession, there are so many professions that you can pursue if you are still willing to work hard and move forward with greater clarity, focus and confidence. You will be able to do this, once you get in touch with the real you and begin formulating life plans based on the really unique gifts you have and the contributions you will make in this world. Seek out a career counselor immediately and tell him or her I sent you!

Linda Bates Parker is your Online Campus Advisor. She has authored the Campus Advisor column for THE BLACK COLLEGIAN Magazine for over 13 years. Parker is the director of the Career Development Center at the University of Cincinnati and president of Black Career Women a national organization.

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