Dear Campus Advisor:

I am enjoying my college experience to the fullest. This semester my grade point average was a solid 3.5. I have a job at a department store where I work part time. I have a two-year old son. My retired aunt is nice enough to watch him for me while I’m at work or in class. My girlfriend is a year ahead of me and is about to start an internship program. She fully supports my son and me and we look forward to sharing our future together. My parents are content with my progress and in hopeful anticipation of my day of graduation. Everything seems to be in place and going well. However, I can’t seem to shake this feeling that I am missing something. Even though my grades are good, and I am respected by my peers, loved by my family and blessed with a beautiful child, there is something missing in my life. I’ve never really stood out or done anything extremely impressive. Throughout high school I was always "steady as he goes". I’ve always managed to stay in the middle area in everything. Although my son’s mother and I are not together, we are still friends. I’ve never really been anywhere either. I’ve always lived in the same town and done the same thing, never really shaking things up or doing anything risky. Maybe I’m going through some type of young adult phase where I feel this need or desire to make a difference or do something special or offbeat. Perhaps this feeling will just wear off or maybe it won’t. What if I graduate, get a job, marry my girl and fifteen years later feel like I seriously cheated myself. I don’t know who to talk to about this. I’m afraid if I talk to my parents about it they may get confused, as far as they know; my life is perfect right now. What could possibly be wrong? How can I deal with these feelings of desperation without loosing hold of what I do have? Please show me the way.

Sincerely,

The In-betweener

Dear In-betweener:

I am unable to show you the way. What I can do is give you a way of looking at your current dilemma. In so doing, maybe I will spark your thinking and help you to find your way. Deceiving yourself about how you are feeling about your life should never be an option. If your life were really perfect, I don’t believe these inner doubts would be bothering you as much as they are. But, based on what you have said, I suspect that your inner-self is calling because you are not happy with your life to date. Generally your inner self talks to you when you are afraid, anxious, intimidated, or under pressure. But sometimes, it talks to you when everything seems to be going smoothly. Do you know what that is about? Your inner being is trying to tell you to stop and introduce yourself to yourself. It is asking you to think about your life, your passion, your hopes and dreams. It is reminding you that you cannot live life in a bubble; that you must step out and discover what you want your life to be. You have been going through the motion of life, but maybe not really living. You seem to have been satisfied to just go along with what ever happens to you, but not really taking charge of and responsibility for your life. Maybe you are feeling conflicted because you have not dared to take a hard look at yourself and answer the question am I capable of doing more? Would I be happier doing something else? It is not unusual for students in their sophomore and junior year to question their major and to worry about the choices they have made. This is the time when you realize that even if you have not made choices in you life regarding your future, choices will be made for you by time and circumstances. This is why it is so important for you to connect, as soon as possible, with staff in the Career Center at your college or university who have the expertise and sensitivity to work with students who are experiencing the kind of internal conflicts that you describe. Your inner self is begging you to stop and take time to discover who you are, what you want to do to experience a fuller life. This advice is hard to accept because it requires a leap of faith. It may require you to stop what you’ve been doing, and follow you heart. You are not really sure what’s in your future, you just know if you don’t do something about these conflicts, you won’t be able to live with yourself. Some people ignore their calling and spend a large portion of their middle years regretting it. You are living in the most wonderful period of life right now. You are succeeding at college, have family and others who love you and you have options. At this time, you are more equipped to handle change and chance than you might believe, and your conscience is trying to tell you to unearth your true feelings and take control of your life. In addition to connecting with a career counselor, maybe you need to travel a little. See what the world has to offer you and where your place is in it. Consider keeping a journal and start recording you inner thoughts and review your thoughts to identify core concerns and possible solutions. Maybe you need to form other relationships. There could be places or people that will help to bring out the very best in you. So expand your network of friends. You won’t know until you try. You must seek answers to the questions you are raising and take action to resolve your dilemma. Hopefully some of these ideas will help. Please remember that some stress is good for the spirit. It forces you to react and realize your abilities, ones that you may not be aware of as yet. Give yourself a chance to see yourself in a new light and explore new challenges, new directions and new relationships, before you commit to a life you may not be ready to lead.

Linda Bates Parker is your Online Campus Advisor. She has authored the Campus Advisor column for THE BLACK COLLEGIAN Magazine for over 13 years. Parker is the director of the Career Development Center at the University of Cincinnati and president of Black Career Women a national organization.

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