Dear Campus Advisor:

I am a freshman in college.  My girlfriend and I have been together for two years now.  She is extremely sensitive about sex, and feels that she really wants to wait.  Recently, we have been closer than ever and I feel that the time is almost right.  However, after waiting so long I now feel as apprehensive as she does about sex. I love her and want her to be comfortable and happy about our sexuality and I want to come to grips with my own feelings about this issue.  I don't want to make a mistake and ruin what we have just to quell these urges.  How can I be sure that the time is right.  Please help me to find the way!

Dear Romeo:

You probably feel like you are the only guy in the world with this problem.  Actually it is not a problem at all.  In fact, intense sexual desire is healthy for a healthy monogamous relationship.  Sex is just that, sex. It takes almost nothing more than physical arousal to have sex.  However, if you feel that you and your girlfriend are desirous of something more meaningful than casual mounting, why rush?  You have both shown that you are capable of waiting until the time is right.  I cannot tell you when that is--but believe me, both of you will know!  Casual sex can be great fun, but it can not replace the uniqueness and oneness of making love.  The union of two people in love should be special. Building a loving relationship requires time and patience. Somewhere along the line we as a society have gotten confused or have forgotten about bringing meaning and intimacy to sex.  The longer you wait and the more you bond together as a couple, the more ecstatic will be your ultimate encounter.  So take your time.  Do not let the pressures of society or the heat of the moment push either of you before you are ready.  For every time you don't go all the way, you leave a space to grow more united in your relationship.  And if you feel apprehensive that's okay.  Men are not the pillars of concrete that they claim to be.  Men also react on emotion and impulse.  Both are necessary in sex.  If your apprehension is telling you something, you should listen to it.  You and your partner need to be in open communication and agreement about the issue and your growing desires.  You need to prepare yourselves for the moment when time stands still, when your hearts furiously pound, and when oneness is absolutely compelling.  It will make the bond stronger, the emotional ties deeper and the sex better!  In this day and time of phone and cyber sex, Viagra, HIV, divorce, diverse sexual preferences, and multiple partners, yours may be the healthiest, sanest choice of all.

Dear Campus Advisor:

I AM SICK AND TIRED OF SCHOOL!  I just had to get that off my chest!  I am so burnt out right now, I might just explode.  I am a junior  Actually I'm a few credits more than a junior.  School has taken every iota of personal time and emotion that I can muster.  I am in need of serious fun, rest and relaxation, for about a year!  In all seriousness, how do you deal with the midterm/final blues as well as the stigma of being a social outcast?  I am so afraid that after I graduate, I won't know how to adapt to a real life.  LOSING FOCUS.  HELP QUICKLY!!!!

Dear Nell:

You do need a break.  Fortunately for you, that is already built into your school year.  It's called winter vacation, spring break or summer madness.  The problem is not that big and by now, you have already dealt with the worst of your college experiences, probably dealt with your first bad relationship, your first break-up/make-up/I don't want to be bothered with men again!  You've probably already dealt with the sliding GPA, nutty professors, jealous girlfriends, impossible deadlines and wild parties where you had no business doing what you were doing!  You went through all of that and you're still there.  I think you should give yourself more credit.  You have succeeded where many have failed.  You have overcome obstacles that others have not been able to pass.  Take time to take pride in what you have already accomplished and take a moment to think about what you have yet to do.  You have only about a year left, and then you will be thrust into a whole different race altogether.  The minor things that once ruled your world will seem a distant blur.  Here are a couple of things in the meanwhile that should help you to relax.

Take breaks in between your studies, go for a walk, listen to some music or just meditate.  Go away for the weekend.  Take your mind off school completely for a while.  If a trip is not possible, make a couple of phone calls to people you care about.  Talk to them about their lives and take your mind off yours for a while.  Indulge in small talk, but resist talking about the challenges of college life.  Share some of your successes or positive experiences.  Draw some personal satisfaction in knowing that you are doing some things quite well. After talking to loved ones, you'll realize why you started this journey in the first place and you'll have the necessary energy and focus to finish.