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Words to Live By
If you can't change the people around you -
- change the people around you!"
- Author Unknown
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Dear Campus Advisor:
I am experiencing serious problems with my roommates. They come in
late hours, talking loud. They leave trash, food and clothes all over the
apartment. Their house guests stay for weeks at a time and sometimes leave
surprises in the bathroom. I am trying to keep it cool with my roommates,
but these constant problems are making me resent them more and more. Phone
and electricity are also now a monthly issue. I don't want to stay on campus,
because it's mostly freshmen. I don't have another place to stay plus I
really like my location in relation to school and work. I feel that if
I raise too much hell I may find myself deserted and way over my head.
Please give me an answer.
"Three's a Crowd"
Dear Crowd Member:
Roommate situations can be difficult to deal with, depending on what
type of person you are. Some people are "neat freaks" and some are "junk-yard
dogs." Sounds like you may have a variety! If you were raised as an only
child you may have difficulty in sharing space with others. The single
child finds peace and quiet at home while students who grow up with brothers
and sisters are accustomed to sharing space and household items. Start
by asking your roommates to have a serious talk. Let them know your concerns,
ask them if they have any issues with you. Come up with compromises and
basic rules for comfortable living. If your roommates constantly have guests,
try to anticipate their visiting times plan to occasionally be someplace
else when their guests are there. Maybe make a visible sign with house
rules for shared areas. Discuss how these rules will be enforced. Also,
get your roommates to agree that certain times are quiet hours. During
those times any one of you can sleep, study, practice or just relax. Develop
an understanding and a communication bridge between you and your roommates
to avoid pent-up attitudes. Issues of cleanliness or tidiness differ from
person to person. Be sure to model the clean behavior you'd like to see
in others. The main issue is to designate a clean zone. This area must
stay clean just in case company and relatives decide to drop in. Personal
items and trash should be placed where they belong. Bedroom doors should
remain closed when not at home. These steps can reduce some of the conflict
and help to facilitate better relationships with your roommates. If all
else fails, purchase a pet boa constrictor. This can have a really quieting
effect on the people around you!
© 6/99
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Words to Live By
"Give a little of yourself -- before asking
someone else to."
- Author Unknown
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Dear Campus Advisor:
I am a third year student. I am very much into my studies and this
leaves little time for a social life. I have tried to pursue romantic interests
with horrible results, mostly because of time constraints. I am badly in
need of "gettin' my groove on!" How can I keep from becoming a social misfit
and at the same time stay focused on my studies?
"Bookman"
Okay "Bookman":
I am feelin' your pain. College is supposed to be a growing process
mentally as well as socially. There is no reason why you cannot enjoy a
perfectly healthy social life while maintaining that G.P.A. Basically,
your brain has two halves, a left capable of analytical function, computations,
and other data. Your right half controls emotions, sensations, relaxation
and abstractions. Let's explore your more creative areas. Music is a great
way to interact socially, enhance creativity or simply relax. What type
of music do you like? Is there an artist that you follow? Chances of your
meeting someone whom you might enjoy are more likely to happen if you are
seen out and about every once in a while. So re-arrange your schedule a
little so you have some fun time. Remember all work and no plan makes Jack
a dull dude! Ask classmates about establishments that play the type of
music you like. If you're up to it, ask a classmate to join you. Plan in
advance, so you can study ahead of time. Also use that library to your
advantage. Try to notice people when looking for a book or at the copy
machine. Be assertive and friendly when you spot a person you'd like to
meet. Find ways to make conversations. Most people are pleased and flattered
when you ask them to tell you something about themselves. When asked to
talk about yourself honestly explain your academic situation.
Tell them what you hope to accomplish with your degree. Maybe they will
appreciate your academic focus and enthusiasm. Also share some of your
interests besides academics. Don't expect an instant return on the investment.
You've got to give something before getting something. So put out the positive
vibes! And sooner or later a vibe will return. Overall, "Bookman", your
biggest challenge will be scheduling time-outs or dates into your itinerary.
Do your best to make those dates if school causes a conflict,
be sure to inform a person well in advance if possible. If at first you
don't succeed well you know the routine. I have a feeling over the next
few months, you will blossom into a socially shining individual! ©
6/99.
Linda Bates Parker is your Online Campus Advisor. She has authored
the Campus Advisor column for THE BLACK COLLEGIAN Magazine for over 13
years. Parker is the director of the Career Development Center at the University
of Cincinnati and president of Black Career Women a national organization.
