I have tried to concentrate on my studies, but doing only that just isn't enough. I am just very lonesome. Please tell me what I should do? 

Dear Lonesome:

Loneliness can be terrible, especially if you think that you have no way out of it. Let's take a look at your lonesomeness to see if we can find a game plan. 

First, I want to commend you for keeping your academic focus. Primarily, you are in college to learn, grow, and educate yourself. Fortunately, you have continued to work and study hard to keep your grades together. I want you to feel good about that, because so many young collegians fall in "luv" and lose their minds. You have survived a bad relationship and still have had the will and determination to stick with the books. Your efforts are commendable. 

Now, let's look at your social life. Nothing substitutes for a good man in your life, but you never completely control a good relationship with a man who loves you. Good men are sometimes hard to find, and they are seldom around when you are looking, especially in all the wrong places. So let's first focus on improving your social skills. 

You do not mention any friendships. Because you really don't have a roommate with whom you can hang out, you need to develop friendships with men and other women on campus to become well-rounded. A lack of friendships may be contributing to your loneliness. Some women focus only on finding men, and when they do, the man each finds is so shallow or one-dimensional that the relationship falls apart. So think about developing friendships on campus. 

What are your hobbies? Can you join a group that has interests similar to yours to become more connected to other students who like what you like? What about joining the campus choir? Besides being a great activity for meeting people, especially people with spiritual bases, the activities of the choir can be invigorating, inspiring, and fun. 

What about a Bible study group on campus or at the church you attend? (And I am assuming that you do go to church regularly.) If a young adult Bible study group does not exist at church or on campus, start one. Such a group will give you something to apply your energies toward, and who knows, you may meet some great people by discussing your ideas. 

Talk to students in the residence halls about your ideas, or contact your student activities' office on campus to see whether such a group already exists. Is there a Campus Ministry on your campus? If so, check this group out. On many campuses, the Campus Ministry provides activities where Christians and other spiritual-minded people can participate in a variety of activities that focus on religion or that link students who want religious experiences in their lives. This may be just the setting for meeting the kind of person you prefer. 

But remember, the first goal is to develop friendships. As my 86-year-old wise Aunt Beatrice always says, "If you want a friend, be a friend first. If you want to be loved, first make yourself lovable." 

Now about this young man who has sought you out a couple of times after class. What's wrong with you, girlfriend? Don't you know that he is at least mildly interested in you to have sought you out in the first place. Next class period, find him--for something. Ask him about a class issue or project, suggest studying together for the next test, or just tell him you'd like to know more about who he is and what he is about. 

So far, the brother has been doing all the initiating, so maybe it is time for you to reciprocate. Before you size him up as a potential soulmate, first explore friendship. The best relationships are friendship based. 

Now, in regard to your criterion of dating only a Christian, I have only this to say: people define "Christian" in different ways: one who believes in Christ; one who is baptized in the name of Christ; one who professes to be a Christian, or one who lives with Christ-like virtues and behaviors. What is your definition? 

Remember, Jesus cautioned us to avoid judging others and to present ourselves in such a way that others will see Christ in us. If you conduct yourself Christ-like, you will draw good men to you. The end is where you begin. 

I hope this is helpful. 
 

  I've been browsing the net and researching companies that seem attractive to me. The thing that distresses me is for most entry-level jobs  companies want you to have a 3.0 average just to be considered. Would you advise me on how I can make my GPA and the fact that I quit a job  less noticeable? I believe in working hard, I'm no stranger to that, but I'm afraid potential employers will see only the surface. Also, please tell me what the attitude is like towards non-traditional graduates is like in the marketplace. I wasn't sure if your magazine catered only to the  traditional student. I hope you are able to provide me with some information towards what my next move should be. Thank you for your time,  any help would be appreciated. 

Dear Low GPA Job Seeker,

  I am very pleased that you are technologically resourceful by using the internet to conduct your job search.

Because you have quit your job and have dependents, you may find the response time for successfully landing another job, through or outside  the internet, somewhat frustrating. 

  You may wish to list yourself with a Temp Service that specializes in employment referrals within the Computer Industries. In this way, you may be able to reduce the pressure to immediately land employment to take care of family needs. This will also give you time to develop a resume and make important people connections that could yield a referral. With the right referral, you may be able to offset the two negative aspects ofyour past performance--poor GPA and having quit your most recent job. 

I would suggest that you use a broadcast letter as opposed to a resume that sells your computer knowledge, experience and relevant training orcoursework. 

A broadcast letter is brief, to the point and matches your skills to the employers needs in very specific terms. You will need to tailor your letter to actual position descriptions or job listings in the newspaper, on the internet, etc. The focus of your letter is less on dates and more on proven or demonstrated expertise in position sought. 

For more details on drafting either a broadcast letter or a functional resume, consult publications such as: 

The Edge Resume and Job Search Strategy, B. Corbin & Shelbi Wright, UN Communications, Inc. 
Gallery of Best Resumes, D.F. Noble, Jist Works, 1994 
Resumes That Knock 'Em Dead, Richard H. Beatty, Courier Companies, 1992 
Electronic Resume Revolution, Joyce Lain Kennedy & Thomas J. Morrow, 1994 
 

I have a friend who is majoring in criminal justice. He's trying to get into the police force come graduation, which is in May of '97. He had to take a test that they use with a machine and the machine's results were not accurate. So he failed the test from one of the questions that was asked re: selling drugs. Now this is a long time friend of mine and as long as I've known him he has always worked a legal job. He's really down about this because society has placed a label on him that is untrue but he can't prove it. What advice would you give to this young man? 

Dear Concerned Friend,

I can understand your friend's frustration and your concern regarding his test results which may prevent him from going into law enforcement. 

My advice to your friend is to not let erroneous test results cause self-doubt or him to believe that he will be negatively labeled by society. 

He should remember that this is only one test at one point in his life. Also most test results are held confidentially and therefore, should not be a continuing problem for him except possibly in that particular police department. 

Tell your friend that many students flunk certain drug tests even though they have never taken illegal drugs. Many times you can request the option of being re-tested possibly using an alternative testing procedure. 

Your friend must pick himself up and keep on stepping. He should investigate police departments in other locales, to state highway patrol opportunities, security positions, and also military police opportunities. There are also related career opportunities. There are also related career opportunities in Criminal Justice such as probation officer or positions such as employment reference investigators outside this field. 

I hope you will share this info with your friend and help him to understand that this is a temporary set back, waiting for him to re-energize for a comeback.