Dear Campus Advisor:

I am an honor student and soon- to-be graduate hoping to work in Criminal Justice. I have meticulously and extensively researched the criminal justice system, studying the social and economic realities of the population that is most often filtered into the system – African Americans. I have close family members confined in this system. I want to change things. I had a great internship that has made my passion even stronger to assist in rehabilitating convicted criminals into productive citizens. It is my passion, ethical drive and belief in change that, I believe, will make me truly an asset in this field. I am so anxious to graduate and get into my field and to make a better living, because I cannot keep up the pace I am carrying much longer.

I did not graduate from high school, because I was pregnant. But I got my GED anyway and a scholarship to college. I have been taking 18 credit hours every semester and have made the deans list for the last four semesters. Even though I am on full scholarship, I have a lot on my plate. I have to work two jobs to pay for my living expenses and I am living in poverty, believe me. I have a 5-year old son. I am facing so many hurdles in my last two years, that I am exhausted all the time, starting to get lower grades which could hurt my scholarship and I just don’t know where to turn. Today, I really hurt my foot, closing the door on it because I was running late for class and needed to drop my son off at school. I am so stressed I just don’t know what to do.

I happened to see a copy of the Black Collegian Magazine while waiting to get checked at the medical center on campus and read your column. You sounded like someone who has a lot of experience helping students. Your words touched me. So, I decided to write this letter. I am hoping that maybe you, a stranger who doesn’t even know me, might have some ideas that could help me. I do not want to quit now.

Kayla Braxton
Jackson, MS

Dear Kayla:

I feel your anxiety and frustration. Even though I am a stranger to you, I am not a stranger to your situation and I am pleased that on the day you wrote this letter, you were seeking help with both your physical and mental condition. I must first advise you to make another appointment as soon as you can, to meet with a mental health counselor on your campus or in the community, because you will need someone to continue to work with you, regardless of my advice, to see you through this difficult time. If you wish, you may also contact me via the Black Collegian Magazine, and I will be happy to follow up with you via email.

Now, I want to address your concerns. You acknowledge that you have too much on your plate. Yet you are putting this pressure on yourself to hurry up and graduate so you can make a better living. Ironically, you are sabotaging your good grades, risking your scholarship and potential to graduate on your projected graduation date, by taking on too many things all at one time.

Obviously there are some things that you must do. First, you must pray and then take action to address the mental strain you are under. If you don’t, you will snap and then everything will have to stop. So get to a counselor right away, to help you to inhale and exhale, to slow down, to decompress and to reprioritize your goals and time commitments. You will have to be willing to stop doing some things to have time to start doing the right things.

Second, you must have a way to take care of you and your son. You are on scholarship, but are you receiving the maximum of financial aid available to you? Find out. Also, are you working off campus, versus on campus? Check out the possibility of working through the Federal Work Study Program offered through the financial aid office on your campus. Working on campus can reduce the amount of running back and forth that you may be doing and reduce your transportation costs. Carefully explore these and other options with your financial aid advisor. There are some scholarships available just for “returning women” so be sure to ask about these scholarships, as these funds can often be used for living expenses, not just for tuition or academic expenses.

Third, are you on any public assistance? By all means check out any “Welfare to Work” funds that may be available to you as a single mom returning to school. Because of the success you are having in college, you may be eligible for some temporary relief. Once you have found some new avenues for financial support, hopefully it will reduce the amount of time you have to work for a while.

Fourth, you must be willing to seriously consider delaying your graduation date to give you more time to balance your academic, work and family demands. Many achieving students, with far fewer hurdles to leap over than you, do not graduate from college in 4 years. Even though your desire to speed this process so you can make a better living for you and your son is perfectly understandable, your situation simply does not make such a goal practical. You need to slow things down. Make an appointment with your academic advisor on campus to do a degree audit. Seek assistance in reducing the number of credit hours you must take for the next 2 to 3 years to achieve your academic goals, but under a far less demanding and stressful time-frame. It does not matter how long it takes you to graduate. It matters that you graduate.

You have got to be ready for a reality check! You cannot take care of your son and maintain your strong academic record, if you fail to take care of yourself. Stress, will stop you in your tracks. You must adjust the expectations and pressures YOU are putting on yourself. You must seek and accept help. You must be willing to re-prioritize. Of course you must not quit. God has brought you too far for you to give up on your dreams now. But as you get closer to your goals, the road gets tougher, you must be willing to redirect your energies so that you will not just survive, but prevail.

You truly are a gifted, intelligent, passionate, hurdle-leaping, barrier-busting sister! Continue and I know you will be successful, if, you reduce the demands that you place on you, take time to de-compress and meditate, allocate time to just snuggle with your young son, re-adjust your timelines to be more realistic as it relates to your academic plan and work situation. Pray and let your steps be ordered. With your record of success this far, I expect great things from you, because God has put great things in you. Stay in the light and stay in touch.

Linda Bates Parker is the director of the Career Development Center at the University of Cincinnati.