Single Parents Taking Their Kids To College With Them
by Linda Bates Parker
A popular National Organization for Women Program,
called "Take Our Daughters to Work," encourages moms and others to take
girls to work on this day to encourage career exploration and to see women
achieving in a variety of career fields. Interestingly, there are some
young women (and men) who also are taking their daughters (and sons) to
work, except their work is going to college. They are bringing their kids
to college not because they want to, but because they must.
The most recent statistics reported by the American Council on Education
(ACE) showed that more than 1.47 million African-American students were
enrolled in college in 1995. Further, according to the most recent U.S.
Census Bureau data, 58 percent of African-Americans, men and women, are
single parents, thus the number of single African-American women is likely
to be quite high, if this U.S. Census figure has any relevance to college
enrollment. ACE data for 1995 showed that 918,000 African-American women
were enrolled in college.
Although new federal health statistics reveal a decline in teen-age
births nationwide, still, today, 40 percent of all girls in the U.S. will
get pregnant before their 21st birthday. African-American teens are showing
the sharpest declines, after years of havingthe highest recorded teen birth
rates in the country, according to data from the National Center for Health
Statistics; still there are very large numbers of young, female parents
who are completing high school with young babies and trying to hold onto
their dreams of obtaining college degrees.
Recently, the Seattle Times told of 5-week-old Nicolas Gamez Jr. who
is virtually an appendage to his mother. Worried because she really wanted
to graduate from high school and then maybe go to college, the Pasco teenager
found her answer at the Tri-Tech Skills Center, where babies are welcome
and child care is available. Another young mom will graduate from Pasco
High School this spring, largely because a family member baby-sits her
daughter during school hours. "A lot of girls don't have babysitters, so
they have to stay home with their babies,"she said.
No national figures are available on the number of young African-American
women enrolled in or planning to go to college who have babies. However,
given the national statistics showing that 54.2% of all African-American
children under the age of 18 live with their mother only, it is reasonable
to expect to see more mom's in college with kids. Given the problems that
mothers with kids face in high school and in the workplace, it is fairly
certain that similar challenges will confront college-bound moms.
Those who don't find solutions face horrible circumstances. An article
in the Cincinnati Enquirer newspaper recently reported, "The body of Addie
Swain, the troubled, homeless mother of two little children, was found
recently in an old storage shed at the edge ofa wooded area at a local
high school. She was 25 when she died of hypothermia due to exposure. She
did well at a local university where she was majoring in communications.
She was just a few credits shy of graduating. Addie Swain will be remembered
for her search for knowledge and answers about life. She had a zest for
learning. She couldn't learn enough.
Another incident occurred last year where two young girls died in a
fire while their mother was in class at the University of Cincinnati. Their
father left the children alone while he looked for some odd jobs in their
apartment complex. Such tragic stories underscore the need for educators,
families and social service providers to pay closer attention to the needs
of young parents who are coming to college and who may find themselves
with no choice but to bring their kids to class with them for their safety
and well-being.
At the University of Cincinnati, a large, urban university, a report
compiled by the Financial Aid Director showed that in 1996-97, three were
3,204 students enrolled for at least one quarter who indicated that they
were single/divorced with onechild or married with one child. For these
parents, issues of inadequate daycare, transportation and child illnesses
are as much a part of the pressures of college as are exams and final reports.
A faculty colleague shared her experience, "I have so many little ones
in my class that they became quite annoying, not only for me but for some
of the students as well. Atthe end of the class, I asked everyone with
a child or children to remain after class. I explained that having children
in class was a distraction for me and the students. Moreover, class was
a problem for the children because they became restless. It was unfair
to expect them to sit quietly for almost an hour. I suggested that the
parents form a kind of cooperative where they could help each other. In
such a network, they could babysit for each other. Whoever was free at
a given time could watch the children while the other parents were in class.
The children could enjoy themselves, the parents could learn without being
interrupted, and I would not have to compete with whining children. I suggest
that the University help with this by providing some space, some toys and
learning tools for the children, and maybe hire a child-care person." These
comments made me wonder about university childcare policies or guidelines
regarding this issue and how many faculty were experiencing this phenomenon.
More importantly, I wondered how students were coping with this kind of
challenge and what direction might I provide students and others, who might
be facing this kind of special college challenge. To find some answers,
I went to the Internet. Comments and insights came in from all over the
country which confirmed the need for attention:
...Last week I had a charming 9 month old in a graduate class because
his sitter did not come and his mother had no other options at that moment.
I know our Child-Care program doesprovide care while student parents are
attending classes, but I have no idea how that really works.
...There are no policies or guidelines at my institution. As a faculty
member, I resent having to police this matter in my classes. I think that
higher education needs to become cognizant of the changing world in which
it exists.
...While an undergraduate student at Michigan State University, I
founded an organizationfor single- parent students. This program is run
out of the Child and Family Care Resources Office at MSU. At the age of
18 with an 18-month-old son, I left home two weeks after graduating from
high school. My years at MSU were very difficult, but I found support in
networking with others like myself and successfully completed my course
work as well as went on to complete my master's at the University of Michigan.
...My current job would have been unobtainable without my college
degree, and I would have never broken into a professional career path.
My employment will allow me to send my children to college to earn their
degrees.
...I work at a community college, so this is not a new issue for
us. On our campus, we havean early learning center...staffed with trained
teachers and a director. Our ACT 101 program here is full of at-risk single
moms.
...I have lots of stories regarding moms and their kids. In my office
I have had more than afew situations where I have done counseling with
mom while the youngster played on the floor by my desk. I have even had
a few situations where mom began breast feeding the baby while we were
in the middle of a counseling situation. I keep lots of crayons and coloring
books in my office! It has rarely become a distraction for other students.
When it does, we ask the mom (or dad) to reschedule. Though we recognize
that the classroom is not daycare, many of our faculty realize that sometimes
[bringing a child] is a necessity.
...I think that colleges and universities need to recognize that
even the best plans for child care do not always work out. There needs
to be some understanding on our part as college counselors and administrators.
But...students also need to take their responsibility to attempt to secure
safe and reliable day care for their children in the same way that they
would if they were going to work. (We are afterall preparing them for the
work world.)
...At the College of Mount St. Joseph's, we have a large nontraditional
student population (about half of our 2200 students). Many of them are
parents, also. I might add to this that it is not just a nontraditional
student issue! I have had several students who are traditional age (23
years old or less by college definition) who have a child or children.
...Howard University's Early Learning Programs are also experiencing
growth in the number of single parents needing day care on campus. The
programs annually serve 30 - 40 parents with one or more children. Many
of these single parents need more "before and after care," extended day
care beyond the normal day care hours--before 7:00 a.m. and after 8:00
p.m. in order to handle work and study time demands placed on single parents
especially.
With more and more student/parents coming to college, faculty and staff
must be sensitive to their special needs. Colleges must create new and
expand existing services to this student cohort, if they wish to aid in
their retention. Student/parents must also be candid about their needs
and concerns, using some of the following suggestions to ensuretheir academic
success:
1. Be Up-Front
When applying for college admission or immediately after being admitted,
make sure you inquire about the kinds of services available to college
students with children.
Although you have a right to privacy, especially if you feel you can
handle your own situation, it does not hurt to confide in a faculty member
or a campus counselor. This will not only create a foundation for you in
balancing college and parenthood, but will also goa long way toward allaying
future stress and frustration.
2. Research Campus and Community Resources
Many campuses have Day Care Facilities or Early Childhood Learning Centers
or Student Parent Help Centers on or near the campus. Find out about them.
Also, researchfunds available specifically for day care through the U.S.
Department of Health and Human Services or the local Department of Human
Services. Some of these funds housed in the Student Financial Aid Office
are specifically earmarked for single parents who are working or going
to school. Your economic circumstances will dictate the amount of funds
you are eligible for, but in some cases single student parents can receive
a 100% subsidy.
A number of progressive colleges and universities have created special
support services Some programs offer cooperative child care arrangements
where volunteer timeat the day care center can be exchanged for free or
reduced rates.
3. Know the Rules
Find out if the college or university has any specific policies governing
student parents. Inquire about on-campus parent housing options. Ask professors
in advance whatspecial class rules or protocol they require for student
parents who may find it necessary to bring a child to class, because there
may be no formal college or university guidelines.
4. Remember Baby is Your Priority
Arrange your schedule with the demands of parenting clearly in your
mind. If youare working as well as going to college and raising a child,
you will need to be especiallyskilled at time management. Do not expect
faculty or other students in your classes to be patient or especially sensitive
to your needs, even though they should. Many will feel that it is your
responsibility to plan ahead and make provisions for your child so as not
to have to bring them to class. Seek family, extended family, and friends'
support. Determine who would be willing and available to babysit in special
circumstances. Talk to the staff at the campus day care centers to find
out about challenges they have seen other student parents face and ideas
for balancing college and parenthood. Link with other student parents to
form cooperative baby-sitting support for each other. Seek out campuscounselors
when you are experiencing challenges or burnout. Know about other community
services. Never, never, never leave your child alone or with strangers
or persons that you have not carefully screened. NEVER!
5. When You're at School, Be at School
If your professors allow you some latitude with class attendance when
children are ill, make sure you are a good student when you are in class.
If your instructor does not raise a concern about bringing your child to
class occasionally, don't take this kindness for granted. Plan. Alert your
professor in advance, and work out a mutually agreeable plan for emergencies.
Commit to arrangements ahead of time that allow you to turnin work in advance
or to miss class. Keeping your commitment is key. Professors expect compliance
and will respect you for following through. Any abuse or misuse of such
privileges would be very detrimental.
6. Celebrate Your Commitment to You and Your Child's Future
Remember that your determination to pursue higher education is an extraordinary
commitment. You will face challenges far greater than many of your student
peers. The juggling act will certainly test your fortitude. You will feel
at times torn and divided in your priorities because of conflicting responsibilities.
Sometimes you will not feel like a very good parent. Other times you will
feel that you aren't a very good student. But don't be disheartened. You
are stretching yourself and learning skills that will serve you for a lifetime.
And the education you receive not only will open doors for a better future
for you and your child, but also will help to prepare you to address societal
challenges, such as child care, that are not currently being adequately
addressed. Periodically, pat yourselfon the back for your remarkable persistence,
and hug your baby for loving you unequivocally. Remember that a higher
education allows you to make a commitment to society,but strong and effective
parenting is your legacy to society.
Linda Bates Parker is the
Director of the Career Development Center, University of Cincinnati.
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